Why I'm Not an Interior Designer

I was flipping through the December issue of Better Homes and Gardens the other night. 

 

What I saw reminded me of why I am not a designer.  A lot of designing ideas and trends baffle me.  I simply do not get some of this stuff.

Like this tree.  It does not look cool to me. 

It looks, well, dangerous.

I mean, I know I do not have a "designers eye," but seriously, I could never imagine hanging this wreath on my front door.  Could you?

Balls of yarn.  Really?  "Welcome, guests, we love knitting."  (Or cats...) 

And then, there was this five-page spread on making ornaments, decorations, garlands and table runners out of ... Felt. 

Yes, that's right FELT.  For some reason, felt does not say classy to me.  It says--childish.

Oh yes.  My point exactly. So why again would I want to spend hours making felt ornaments to put up all over my house?

I know.  I am being awfully harsh.  Maybe you're thinking, well, she's just jealous and insecure about her decorating skills.  Making fun of others is clearly this poor, sad girl's immature coping mechanism for making herself feel better.

Hmmph.  You got me.

Here I am, a brand-new home owner with a blank canvas of a house and I am expected to decorate it and make it look nice?  Inviting.  Comforting.  Stylish.  Huh? 

Are you talkin' to me?  Little old me who has absolutely zero design background, education, knowledge or expertise other than what I have gleaned by watching HGTV (or reading BHG)?

Oh my.

Having a new house to decorate feels a lot like driving home from the hospital with my first-born child Christian, all of three days old, sleeping in his carseat in the back of our green Volvo station wagon while my husband tried to navigate snow and Boston traffic on a wintery March day.  You mean, I am expected to care for and protect this helpless being, ALL BY MYSELF?  I've never done this before -- and you're sending him home with ME?

The curtains I ordered online arrived yesterday.  I am hoping they will match the rug we bought from a store here in town the other day. And I'm hoping these items will eventually coordinate with the furniture we will one day purchase for the same room.

Oh, and did I mention that my Christmas tree is only half-lit?  That we have snowmen in the bathrooms, nativities in the living room and a red and green plaid table cloth on my dining room table that matches nothing else in my house?

Ack! What am I doing? 

Any advice for a novice, amateur home decorator is welcomed. 

Signed,

Baffled in The Bluff